Roles
There are many common terms used by practitioners in this domain. In more serious BDSM circles, formal terms of address are used, such as ‘Bottom’: being the Submissive (‘Sub’) party(ies) and ‘Top’; being the Dominant (‘Dom’) individual(s).
Such terms of address may not be so ‘appealing’ to couples simply wanting to engage in activities for fun or foreplay and expressions such as ‘Slave’ and ‘Master’ are more regularly adopted. We have chosen to use the terms ‘Dominant’ and ‘Submissive’ throughout this site, as our target audience is not hardcore BDSM practitioners.
 How dominant or submissive a person may be in their regular life does not always determine their preferred role in BDSM play. People who present themselves in one way in their regular life, such as at work, may strongly desire to express the opposite role within their sexual life (as a kind of release) and therefore roles can never be assumed. Obviously, for an experience to result in mutual satisfaction, there is a need for an agreement as to who will play which part, (master or slave), even if this changes regularly.
A dominant person enjoys controlling a submissive person. This can relate to a desire to show skill and power, having ownership of another person and being the object of affection and devotion.
A submissive person is one who submits of their own free will and seeks to submit to another. Submissives vary in how seriously they take their position and situation (and this should be determined at the outset (see Communication & Negotiation and Limits).
Motivations for engaging in submissive behaviour may include relief from responsibility or being the object of attention and affection.
Misconceptions
A misconception is that a Submissive is a ‘Masochist’, when more commonly, the Submissive is directly or indirectly driving the ‘rules’ of the game or fantasy and is far from a Masochist, who tends to surrender any form of control over the action taken by a ‘Sadist’.
Equally, it is important not to confuse the role of a Dominant with a Sadist, as a Dominant tends to want to please the Submissive rather than simply engage in activities for ‘self gratification’.
Obviously, there is a lot more to this topic and we have reviewed numerous books in order to identify those that are very informative. Such books include:
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Sensuous Magic |
The Good Guide To BDSM |
The Loving Dominant |
Art of Sensual Female Dominance |
Please also see our books section which gives an outline of all recommended reading.
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